I need a wedding ring

Dear Pastor,

I am 40 years old and the mother of two girls - age 15 and 17 years old. I got these girls by two different men.

I was 15 and a half when I had my first sexual experience. I lied to the man and told him I was 17. Fortunately for me, he used a condom, but he told me that he had a girlfriend. However, I did not care; I wanted to have the experience of having sex. I wanted to feel like I am a big woman, so when my girlfriends were in school and talking about sex, I could join in the conversations.

The relationship with this man didn't last long. I wanted a man of my own, so after having sex with him a few times, we broke up. However, whenever I needed extra money, I could always rely on him to provide it. He always told me to be careful.

I got involved with another guy and he got me pregnant. I was stupid. He did not believe in using protection, so I got pregnant with my first child and dropped out of school.

My parents were very poor, space was limited at home, so I went to live with my baby father and his mother. She treated me very well, but this guy would bring other women to the house and I could not say anything to him. His mother was not always at home because she was a security officer.

One day I packed up my few little things and went to my parents' home. I told my parents that I will sleep on the floor with my baby. I got a job and was supporting myself. The child's father was supporting his child.

I met a man where I was working and I fell for him and he got me pregnant, and so I have ended up with two girls for two different men. I am still with the man I met at my workplace. We are living together for all these years, but we are not married. He has ambition because after living with him for three years, we were able to put some money down on a National Housing Trust house.

He treats our children well.

I went back to school and I now operate as a cosmetologist. I love my daughters and I talk to them about everything. I used to work every day, but now I stopped working on Sundays, so that I can take my girls to church. I do not beat my girls. I just speak to them whenever they are out of line. Whenever they ask me about sex, I give them straight answers because they hear about sex everywhere; in songs and in advertising on television. Nothing is hidden these days.

I suffered from peer pressure and I told these girls the same. I have been trying to tell my fiance that we should get married and let these girls see how we live and be good examples to them. The man is saying that we are living better than some married couple, which is true. I know people who got married and in a few months, their marriages have broken up. I don't expect that to happen between us.

My fiance drives a pick-up truck and he has bought me a car. We are still proud to have the car to take us to church, to go to work and to take the children to school.

This man loves to cook, so he helps with the cooking and the children have learned to cook also. The only thing I am really missing is the ring. I'm ready to marry him, but I need a ring to show the world that I am a married woman. You can give me any other advice, but don't tell me to get married without it.

Lots of love to you, sir.

L.

Dear L.,

The late Dr Austin McKenzie told me that he officiated at a wedding ceremony. The couple was living together for many years before they finally got married.

He said one day the couple came to see him. They were having problem. Now the groom explains to Dr McKenzie that he was not getting along well with his wife. His wife listened intently and then Dr McKenzie asked her to speak and explain what the problem was. She spoke up and she said, "Pastor, this was what I wanted; all these years I was waiting for this and she pointed to her finger on which was the married ring. This was what I was waiting for and I get it now."

As far as she was concerned, her husband could chat as much as he wants and he could complain as much as he wants, she had him under her control; as a married woman.

You have declared to me that you want this man to marry you, but he has to give you a married ring because without that, you would not feel satisfied because that ring is a symbol of authority. Regardless how much your man tells you how much he loves you, and you are seeing how he has worked hard, without the ring, you are not going to be totally happy.

But this man is not in a hurry to give you the ring, so, wait on him. He is doing his best. You are fortunate to have him.

Pastor